


Nythra One-Shots Hellhole

by tbat



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, each and every one of them a shitpost however, one shots of wildly varying subject matter, rated T for mythra saying naughty swears and also for spicy jokes, set your expectations to rock bottom because every one of these is very very stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbat/pseuds/tbat
Summary: Nythra one-shots of highly varying tone and subject matter. Most of them shitposts.





	1. Mythra and Nia Grow Weed

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like reading stupid bullshit

“Y’know, when you said you had a fun date idea, I was expecting somethin’ with a little less...manual labour,” Nia said, staring at the small patch of ground Mythra was currently poking at.

“What, you don’t want to grow your own weed? It’s more satisfying this way,” Mythra replied, not looking up at her unpaid workforce.

“Can’t say it crossed my mind, no,” Nia said, with a sigh. She crouched down next to Mythra, a single finger brushing a small clump of dirt to the side with the gentleness of a lover tenderly stroking their partner’s hair. If Mythra kept this up Nia'd make sure to stroke _her_ hair before washing her hands. “Is this even legal, anyway?”

“Totally. I checked.”

“You ‘checked.’ With who?”

“Rex. I asked if you can grow weed in Fonsett and he said ‘uh, probably’ so...it’s fine.”

“Since when was Rex a legal expert?”

Mythra shrugged before picking up a small seed from a bag by her feet and dropping it into the dirt.

“Hey, he knows all that salvager code stuff, right? He seems pretty up on laws.”

Nia suspected Mythra just hadn’t felt like asking anyone actually in charge of anything important about this, in case they said no. 

Which would certainly explain why they were doing this in a secluded spot behind Corrine’s house. And why Mythra had told her not to tell Pyra about this because “she’ll totally snitch.” Never mind that Pyra, Rex, and anyone with a functioning nose would easily expose Mythra’s Extremely Legal Hobby the second she toked up, Mythra was apparently very certain she was both incredibly stealthy and within her legal rights as the Aegis, which she considered license to just do whatever.

Among the many flaws in Mythra’s plan- Nia had not yet figured out the actually good points in the plan, but one thing at a time- the fact that they were planting seeds in the shade seemed like a pretty big one, though. 

“You do realize they’re not in sunlight, right?”

Mythra stared at Nia with the disbelieving pity of someone who was convinced they were talking to an absolute idiot.

“Yeah, no shit. How else am I gonna keep it hidden?”

“Even though it’s legal.”

“Yes,” Mythra said, cognitive dissonance in full swing, “Look, I’m not an idiot, I know plants need light. That’s why I’m here.”

Nia looked at Mythra with a confused frown. A second later realization dawned on her. Pyra using the awe-inspiring might of an Aegis to make soup was one thing, but this?

“You’re...usin’ your Light Blade powers to grow weed,” she said, disappointment liberally slathered over every syllable.  
Mythra gave her a condescending smile.

“Duh. What else would I use them for? You’re gonna water them, by the way. Why do you think I brought you along?” she said, emitting a faint glow from her hands as a demonstration.  
“I thought this was a date.”

“What, you don’t think raising our plant kids together is romantic? C’mon, water them,” Mythra said, gesturing towards the small row of seeds she had planted.  
With a weary sigh and a flash of light, Nia changed into her Blade form, the long hair gracefully falling behind her rather ruined by her folded arms and scowl. With a miserable flick of her wrist, a tiny stream of water fell onto the dirt in front of them. As quickly as she’d changed, Nia reverted to her normal form.

“Happy?” she said, eyeing up the damp soil with resentment.

“Very,” Mythra said with a proud smile towards her hallucinogenic children. “Trust me, a few weeks of this and we’re gonna have one hell of a weekend with these.”

"Right, right,” Nia said, still thoroughly unimpressed. “Hang on, have you even smoked weed before? How d’you know you even like it?”  
Mythra’s brow furrowed.

“Wait...you _smoke_ weed?”

Nia sighed. 

“We’re goin’ out for dinner next time, alright?”


	2. Pyra Wants To Go To Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyra overhears an unfortunate conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sincere apologies to Pyra Xenoblade for the indignities i make her suffer

"Hey, Mythra!" Pyra said with a chipper voice, "You and Nia are going out tonight, right? Can I come with you?"

"Huh?" Mythra looked up from her book with a quizzical expression. "No we're not. We're, uh...definitely staying in," she said, carefully arranging her words to be technically correct whilst also being uselessly vague.

"Oh, really?" Pyra said, tilting her head, "It's just, I heard you tell Nia you were going to 'take her to town' tonight, and, well, I was wondering if I could come too. I have a few things I wanted to get."

Mythra gawked at Pyra, a few strangled noises doing their best to escape her throat, realizing what they'd have to respond to, and promptly dropping back down where it'd be safe.

Of all the things she had to ask her, why'd Pyra pick _that_?

She wasn't even _wrong_ to ask, per se.

Mythra had indeed informed Nia, but a few hours ago, to "get ready, 'cause I'm taking you to town tonight," to which Nia had responded "whatever you say, sweetie," in a highly aggravating manner that had made Mythra determined to ensure Nia got the express airship to town, if that was going to be her attitude.

The defintion of "town" they had both been operating under was, Mythra assumed, very different from the one Pyra was using when she'd overheard their conversation.

Very, very different.

Pyra was, in this case, not permitted to visit Town. She did not have the necessary passport. She would be turned away at the gates. Not only could Pyra not enter Town, but Mythra firmly believed Pyra shouldn't even be able to find it on the map.

So, of course, Pyra _had_ to hear her say it, _had_ to take it literally, like she always did, and then _had_ to decide that what she was really in the mood for was a fun, wholesome girl's night out, and there was at least one word in that description that was nowhere close to Mythra's plans.

She knew she had to actually _tell_ Pyra that she was a little off-base with her interpretation, and that, no, she may not join them in going to Town.

She just didn't want to have to explain why.

"Uh...n-no," Mythra said hastily, looking away from Pyra. "It's, uh...really not something you can tag along for, Pyra."

Pyra hummed quietly in disappointment.

"Why not?"

"It's, you know...a-a couple thing. It'd be a little weird if you were there," Mythra said, shamelessly exploiting the Not Actually Lying Without Really Telling Her technique for all its worth.

"Oh, I see! Can Rex and I come along, then? It could be a double date!" Pyra said, beaming with the most upsettingly naive joy possible.

"No!" Mythra snapped on instinct, her tone ending up a lot harsher than she'd really wanted. Sighing, she softened her voice as much as she felt capable of. "Look, it's really not what you think it is. It's kinda...just for us."

"Well, what is it, then?" Pyra said with a frown precision-engineered to make Mythra feel enough guilt to believe she deserved life in prison and a daily reminder that she was being A Terrible Sister.

"I...can't tell you."

"I don't see why not. You're just going on a date, aren't you? There's nothing to be embarassed about, Mythra, that's perfectly normal."

"I-it's a little more than a date," Mythra said, face reddening and eyes wandering far away from Pyra.

"A little more than a...?" Pyra gasped, her hands rising up to her face with a wide smile. "Mythra, are you _proposing_ to her? I'm so happy for you!"

"Wh-What?!" Mythra exclaimed, her head whipping back round to face Pyra. "I-I'm _not_ proposing to her! No way. _No way_." She grunted in frustration. "Look. Do you _really_ wanna know?"

"Of course I do!"

Pyra's enthusiasm really only made this worse for her. Biting her lip, she got to her feet, walking towards Pyra in a slow, grim death march, her head hung low in shame. Her hand landed on Pyra's shoulder with a heavy thump.

"You sure?" she said, hoping Pyra would take the hint that she Really Obviously Did Not Want To Do This.

Pyra, of course, was a very selfless individual who couldn't _possibly_ take someone's hint for nothing like that, so she simply smiled at Mythra and said "Absolutely."

With the deep sigh of one who knows she's condemning herself to a life of shame and misery, Mythra leaned in towards Pyra's ear.

And whispered to her.

Each passing word made Pyra's face fall a little further, until she was left wearing the devastated, teary-eyed expression she normally reserved for whenever she saw Poppi crying.

When Mythra finished speaking- a task that had only taken a few seconds, but had been like a whole extra five hundred years for the both of them- she let out a quiet "oh."

After a few more seconds of deeply uncomfortable silence, she turned around and trudged towards the door, her movements stiff. She looked back towards Mythra, a smile forced onto her face like a cat being forced into a bathtub.

"W-well, Mythra, Rex and I will just...go on a nice long walk together tonight. Just a fun little date," she said, voice barely staying level. "M-maybe we'll even hold hands."

"You, uh...you do that," Mythra said, refusing to look at her traumatized sister.

"G-good luck tonight. I, um...I hope you win?"

"That's not really how it-" Mythra shrugged in defeat. "Whatever. Thanks."

Pyra gave her one last completely false smile before leaving to sob for five hours.

Mythra did not win that night. She chose not to disclose this result.


	3. Nia Purred And She Hates It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia's eternal shame is exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have absolutely no excuse for this

"Do not tell  _anyone_ about this, you hear me? Not a bloody soul," Nia snarled, peeking out of the gap between her fingers, which were currently superglued to her face in shame.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh. Our little secret, right?" Mythra said with a smirk.

"I mean it! Tell anyone-  _anyone-_ and all Pyra's gonna find in your bed tomorrow is a Core Crystal."

"I don't see what the fuss is all about, really. It's what cats do," said Mythra, reaching a hand out towards Nia's hair for a repeat performance. Nia instinctively jerked away.

"Nope! Not happening again! No way!"

"C'mon, it was cute," Mythra said, barely holding back a laugh.

"To you, maybe," Nia grumbled, inching further and further away from her.

"Yup, to me."

It was clear Nia was mortified beyond belief by all this, and frankly, Mythra was loving every second of it. Nia normally enjoyed such a comfortable position as the Official Shit-Giver of their relationship, constantly poking at Mythra, flustering her at every turn, and now,  _finally,_ she was getting her revenge.

And all it had taken was stroking Nia's hair.

Totally simple act of affection. Most couples would think nothing of it. Nia sure didn't when she'd started, because, well, why would she?

Then she must've been enjoying it just a little too much. Gotten that little bit too comfortable. Because after a minute or two, Nia had closed her eyes with a content sigh, leaned into Mythra's hand, and...purred.

It had only lasted for a split second before she'd realized what she was doing and leapt away from Mythra with a yelp, but that was all it had taken.

Nia had  _purred._

She had  _purred_ and Mythra was zooming straight to Elysium at this revelation. Partially because it was Extremely Cute, but mostly because she could now give Nia shit for this every day of the week for the rest of their lives. At long last, Flustered Nia would be not a dream, but a wonderful reality.

"Get that away from me!" Nia yelled, swiping at Mythra's ever-approaching hand.

"What, you didn't like it? It sure sounded like you did," Mythra said, shit-eating grin plastered firmly across her face.

"I-It was an accident!"

"Wow. Pretty happy accident, huh?"

"Shut it!"

"No need to be embarassed, Nia. You sounded absolutely-"

"Finish that sentence and we're through."

" _Purr-fect,"_ Mythra said, entirely willing to take that chance in the name of getting A Good Dunk in.

Nia groaned, folding her arms and huffing in her seat. She shot Mythra a glare.

"Not a  _word._ To  _anyone_. I'm serious."

With a snort, Mythra scooted closer, attempting to mangle her smirk into something a little more sincere.

"Yeah, yeah, I promise," she said, "Trust me, I know what'll happen if Zeke ever hears about it."

Nia shuddered instinctively at the name, and the dire consequences it implied.

"Don't even make me think about that. I'll bloody die if Shellhead catches wind of this."

"My lips are sealed."

"They better be," said Nia. After a moment's pause, her expression softened slightly. "But..."

"But...?"

"If you  _absolutely swear_ not to say  _anything ever..._ "

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Nia fell silent. With a faint blush on her face, her head tilted a tiny amount towards Mythra, her ears flattening. Finally dropping the smugness for a smile with some genuine affection, Mythra held her hand up again.

"You sure?"

"Just do it already."

Mythra shrugged and brought her hand back towards Nia's hair, fingers carefully weaving between the strands as she began stroking again. Nia inched in closer as she began to relax, allowing herself a small, comfortable smile as her eyes drifted closed. Almost instinctively, a low purr escaped her lips from the sensation. Mythra bit back the snort that was desperately trying to break out. Couldn't ruin the moment now, after all. Nia was cozying up to her and everything. You didn't just throw that away, even if the purring  _was_ pretty funny.

Truth be told, she was alright with this being a secret between them, and not just because she didn't want to deal with all the Uncomfortable Questions it'd spawn. Seeing a side of Nia that no one else ever would was reason enough.


End file.
